It doesn’t matter how well your day is going when you are the parent of an Autistic child there is always something to deal with. When you are the broke parent of an Autistic child the stress begins to pile so high you can’t begin to see the end of the tunnel. There is always something in the back of your mind giving you the nagging feeling that you are forgetting something. I have found that forgetting is not that hard to do when you have almost a dozen different things to give your child each and every day. Then there are therapy appointments and doctor’s visits just to have lab work done because your child is on so many supplements. It’s expensive.

I read somewhere that it costs approximately $50,000 a year to raise an Autistic child. I’m still wondering where that’s coming from. I don’t think we can cut anymore corners but somehow it’s always all right in the end.  I have to gather up all of the little ones supplements so I can write down the names and doses for our next doctor’s visit. I am so confused right now I can’t even find the child’s clothes without going on a treasure hunt in the mornings. I am so far behind and I’m so tired right now that I have no idea what to do.

I used to have a schedule that was second nature and now it’s kind of flown out the window. Oh well, today I will type up pages from old diaries to destroy the paper copies and still have record of things that I need to go read to see just how far I’ve come these last few years. I’m going to get back to work on that now since I latest project is stalled.

Something always tears up or breaks when you don’t need it to. At the moment I have a broken lawn mower, the grass is taller than I am. Well, not taller than I am but tall enough I can’t see in it which irritates me. It’s not like I want to go out side or anything. Geez.


I am broke until Friday, and even then I’ll still be broke. The bills for October get paid on Friday. I’m waiting for my auto insurance bill to come in and hoping that it doesn’t renew until November. I’m hoping that I don’t forget to renew my license like everyone else that I know has. I don’t care to be driven around I don’t ride well. 


I am waiting on the other half of my project at the moment because the man has the flu and while it’s only a little bit I’d really like it so I can get done. Oh well that’s like. And I’m gone for the day. I’ll be back soon.

I am the queen of self destruction it would seem. Funny I thought that I had gotten rid of all those habits that made my world crumble around me but it doesn’t look like I did that at all. Instead it looks like I allowed people back into my life that I had once so carefully drifted away from. It’s my mistake and I’ll fix it as soon as I can. In the meantime I will hope that I have not laid the foundation for everything that I’ve been working so hard for to crumble away from me.

I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and that my nerves are shot once again. I know that I have to do something about that I think the ability to pay my bills without stress will be a good start to getting my nerves back on track where they need to be. I know that I am the only one to blame this time though. Yes unfortunately I had no help to be stupid and that’s what kills me. I can’t say anything went as planned and now all my plans are about to fall apart.

I have never been big on listening and lately all the wrong people have my ear. I can not deal with this at the moment and I think it may drive me over the edge. People read a text book and think they have a degree. They need to reread it I’m pretty sure that there is a chapter or two about shutting the hell up in order to come to those conclusions correctly. I am so freaking irritated at the world that I have one friend that has been a saving grace. I can’t even manage to tell them just how big of a saving grace they have been. I do believe they have come to the conclusion that I am bordering on crazy and at the moment I can not argue with them.

OK time to clean the house and get some work done while I have time alone.

Things are finally starting to fall into place to get my finances back on track. My nerves are another story but at the moment I have steady work which is good. At the rate I’m going since the deadlines were set farther out than I should need in reality on purpose I am right on track to finish up nice and early. My soon to be ex-husband finally got a job he’s been wanting for a long time now and it should take a great deal of stress off me. That is once the bank takes the money that he owes them. I’m glad that will be taken care of.

He still has to call the hospital about the bill that came in from the emergency room visit he had a while back but that’s not my problem. The car loan is less than $125 to pay off, my Internet bill is paid and the money for my phone bill is where it needs to be. No idea about his but mine is good to go. Now to keep working so that the light bill is paid next month. I had to add him to my savings account so that he could have his check direct deposited into the account. I’m wondering just how long it will be before we get everything paid off and caught up. I am running short on time but somehow I think that it’s all going to work out.

A couple new tires would be nice but they have to be gotten before the end of the year and that’s an expense that I dread. I also have to pay the auto insurance this month, it renews in November and I’m hoping to have the full six months then so that I don’t have to deal with it every month.

Well, it’s after six now and I got to run get a shower. The kid is awake but playing in her crib so I’m going to let her until I absolutely have to get her up from school since that is her way of relaxing before she goes.