It Ain’t Easy

No one ever said that life was easy but it doesn’t have to be so obvious all the time. I don’t remember the last time things went the way they should. The highlight of my day was coming home from picking up the baby from school and discovering a job offer. I may or may not get it depending on whether or not they agree to cover the fee that’s taken out of the final payment but that’s all right too. I must say them accepting the proposal would take a bit of stress off of me for next month and make it a smaller amount of money that I have to come up with.

I heard some wonderful news when I picked the baby up from school today. She is more vocal. She opinions that she’s not afraid to share and like me the teacher loves the talking but isn’t always sure that she likes what she has to say. I’m glad that I’m not the only one.

I managed four articles this morning before I ever went to pick her up and a load of laundry. I also updated another one of my blogs, began this and another blog posting and managed to take a minute to talk to a couple friends. All and all the day is going rather productively. The kiddo was a bit confused this morning but in the end it all worked out. Well, so far it has we still have therapy to go. It’s at 1:30 so I got to get the kid dressed so we can leave in a few.

Typing as Fast as I can

I would currently be typing as fast as I can and hoping that I do not have a million typos. I have to earn additional money in a short time and I’m attempting to allow my fingers to fly off the keyboard in order to do it. I currently have four windows open so I can go back and forth to write my articles and update my blogs at the same time so that I am not neglecting them. I am stressed out at the moment but I had a bright spot in my morning to let me know that in the end it is all worth it.

I did remember to open a window so I can schedule updates for the days and times that I will be away. The school bus will start back on Wednesday morning so I should have a less stressful time getting to work. I also just realized that I have a lot of old articles to edit for typos and silly mistakes that I should not have made in the first place. This is going to be a long busy week for me. I can feel the stress coming on and for once it’s all right.

Have a good morning and a productive day. 🙂

Why Does Loving Someone Always Hurt So Much

Have you ever noticed that when you love someone or are “in love” with someone there is a constant aching feeling when they aren’t around? The dull ache is like a knife right to the soul. I can not imagine why something that can make us so happy at times would end up making us so sad as well. Is this really the way that it’s supposed to be? Are we supposed to feel a connection to someone that is so strong we can’t even think straight when we do not hear the sound of their voice? Are we supposed to panic when so much as suspect that they may be in harms way? I mean really is loving someone supposed to hurt so much?

What happens when we fall in love with someone that we know we can’t have? Are we supposed to wait forever or move on being unfair to whoever we are with because we know deep in our hearts that we can not actually feel a love that deep for them? Is it fair to be trapped in love with someone that you can never have? No it’s not but that’s life. When you are truly in love with someone you want them to be happy with or without you.

Maybe we aren’t supposed to know the answers. We may only be supposed to know just how deeply we love that one person and that no matter what we always will.

Thursday’s One Day Closer to Friday

It’s Thursday and that means only one appointment, then Friday and then the weekend. I spent yesterday sick so we didn’t even have our regular appointments but we’ll have it today. And in the meantime I’ll clean my house, write a bit and attempt to figure out this mess I made with the bills. Praying for a private client and hopefully it’ll get results. I can only do one thing at a time so I have to be careful when I bid.

I have to wash a ton of dishes from when I was sick, they’re stacked all over the counter, lovely. I seem to be having connection issues today so I may just close the Internet and work.

Hoping this’ll be a restful Saturday

It’s Saturday but I have yet to determine if it’s going to be a peaceful one. I need to work but I really don’t feel much like it today. I woke up before 7a.m. and I’m still not sure how I feel about that. Groggy would be the one word I’d use to describe how I feel right this minute. I should work some today but I’m not really in the mood. I need to clean the house but again I’m not in the mood. I did manage to start a load of laundry but now I’m wondering why I started it when I don’t feel like finishing it.

I spent the week rather irritated but something tells me that next week will be better. At least I hope that it will. I found out which class Theresa is in this year, and it’s only a half day which means that she’ll still have all her outside therapy on schedule. I also found out that our private OT is going to be her OT in the school this year! I’m loving that!

I have plans for the work week but I’m not sure that there going to pan out yet but I am sincerely hoping they do. I plan to spend every moment that I’m not occupied with something else writing. I have some new goals to meet that will help the fight to stay focused. I fully intend to replace my Rodeo with something that I can drive without panicking. I would love better gas mileage considering it only gets about fifteen miles to the gallon. I would also enjoy having a balance in my savings account again that was more than just enough to hold it open. In October I get to pay the actual light bill plus what is at this point a $200 overage, I really got to get a move on setting that money aside.

Well, sitting here complaining isn’t going to accomplish anything so I guess I’ll be going.

Randomness

Wouldn’t it be nice if things really were random? I like to think that sometimes they are but it usually seems more like every detail was plotted and planned to the very last detail. I’m not sure at times how I feel about that. Sometimes we meet people that make us feel amazing and other times those same people can make us feel like death warmed over as if they were sucking the life out of you. Then there are those that you meet and you feel as if you’ve known them forever.

Why is it that these connections are made? I have no idea, I’m seriously asking because it seems strange to me how one minute someone can be a stranger and the next minute they can be your best friend. I have no idea but I know a few years ago I never would have asked this question.

Life is kind of like a play with a bad script most of the time. I have no idea what but things just seem to work out like that. I’m sorry that there is always something that has to come first though. I would love to live a life where all I had to do was enjoy myself but that’s not realistic.

I seem to be rambling so I’m just gonna stop.

Love Hate Relationship with the Morning

For years now I have had a sort of love/hate relationship with mornings. On one hand I enjoy sleeping in until noon, on the other I have children and can’t do that. One of two things typically happens each day or actually one of three. What are they?
1. I typically oversleep and run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get out the door in time.
2. I wake up on time and still end up running behind as I attempt to relax just a few minutes before I get the baby up.
3. I wake up early enough to enjoy my coffee and check my email before anyone else gets up only to be so tired mid-day that I can barely keep my eyes open.

The last few weeks I’ve been attempting to schedule work around everything that I have coming up and the only conclusion that I can come to is that I need more hours in the day. I was going to go back to work outside the home but I’m resistant to do that. I don’t want to leave the baby in daycare and I really don’t want to leave her with a sitter. It’s been my experience that people do not listen so I have no choice but to continue to think about the choice.

I was hoping to go back to work once she was in school for a full day. There is a slight problem even though the local Autism Clinic is closing she’s still going to have all of her therapy sessions. I could cancel a few of them to leave room for other children but I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Of course with the fact that I have to drive her will have a large impact on my budget. I’m still figuring all of that out but I have a feeling that one way or another things will work out the way that they are supposed to.

Now to figure out what I’m going to do about my relationship with the mornings. I guess it’ll work itself out eventually. I’m more of a night person and that has always caused me a problem or two.

Fear of Returning to Private Clients

While I have no choice at the moment I have a slight fear of returning to private clients. I’m not sure why I would, maybe because they demand so much time to make a living. I know that I am not ready to go back to the traditional work force just yet. I still need a little more time home with my baby.

There are a ton of bills left to pay this month, well maybe not a ton but enough to make me rather nervous that one of them will not get paid. Oh, well that’s life, and now I’ll be heading off to wade through job postings to determine by most viable option.

Monday, Monday, Monday

I almost missed my alone time this morning. I overslept and when I work up my other half had somehow managed to get to work without waking me up and the little one was still asleep. I managed my coffee and morning cigarette without an interruption. I even managed to listen to some music without being interrupted.

Since he just walked back in the door, I’m guessing this is the last song I get to listen to. Of course he forgot to fill out his applications this morning, so he’s going to the library this afternoon to do it. He can use their computers in air conditioning that works better and I don’t have to take a break from working for him to do it. Nice of him huh?

I’ve got a lot of work to do anyway so it’s alright with me if he wants to wait. I have blogs to update, articles to write and decisions to make. I’m not sure why but this month hasn’t been as productive as I had hoped it would be.

Now I have to get dressed and go get Milk which appears to be an emergency in this house most of the time. A half gallon this time since the gallons are souring faster than half of them can be drunk. The kid seems to have developed an aversion to it.

First Day of School!

At least it’s the first day of school for the hubby, the baby doesn’t go back until the 25th if I decided to leave my decision for Head Start alone. I still have time to send her back to PHP which is only a half a day. We don’t have speech this week unless something happens to change that. We do have our occupational therapy and ABA therapy this week. The OT was attempting to put her permanently at 2pm on Tuesdays because we have speech at 1:30 that day which we’re attempting to change. Wednesday we have ABA from 1 to 2 that afternoon. I have to talk to the ABA therapist about available schedule changes that day but she told me that she’s pretty full.

I now get about two hours a day alone total. Gene only works 15 hours a week and is supposed to be searching for full time work. I’m still wondering when the search will begin exactly. I’m not certain but I think he’s home so much to stay up my rear so I can’t have a life without him whining when I go somewhere without him. I don’t like taking him places he doesn’t act like he has the sense that he was born with when we do. It’s irritating as it can be. Maybe it’s just me being over critical or maybe it’s a sign that I should have filed for divorce long ago. Personally I think it’s a sign that once again I married the wrong man. I don’t have any feelings left for him and I’ve told him but he refuses to hear me.

Well, that’s getting a bit too personal if I go on so I’ll be going for now. Until tomorrow I intend to just bury myself in as much work as a four year old will allow and ignore him.