I’m a Reality Check

After a day of being held hostage by Disney puzzles I am glad to be doing something relaxing. OK I was reading my comments and found that there was something for me over at Momma’s Money Matters. It would seem that I am the reality check among her list of blogs.

OK let’s see I need seven secrets revealed and fifteen blogs. Well, as close to 15 as I can come. So here goes. Let’s start with the secrets..

1. I married a murderer and never knew it.

OK here goes I was 19 the first time I got married. He was fresh out of prison (yes alarm bells yada, yada). Well, after a brief marriage (a year and a half by the time I got my divorce restraining order included) he ended up in prison for property crimes. Again. While in prison he confessed to a murder that occurred back while I was in high school. He now sits on death row. Do I want to believe he is innocent and was under duress as he later claimed? Yes. Do I believe that he is capable of murder? With all that I hold dear.

2. The best advice I ever got was “It does not get better, if you do not leave he will kill you.

See number one, murder, restraining order. Fill in the blanks. I refuse to live in fear.

3. I believe Christmas has been turned into a commercialized hypocritical holiday.

Think about it, at Christmas time there is an increase in charitable donations and more visibility to organizations to feed and cloth those that do without. Even toys are donated in abundance. While giving is all fine and well, even giving much needed relief to some it becomes more visible at Christmas. I’m not sure if it’s the feelings of the season or the fact that it’s the season to celebrate Christ’s birth that gets people to give with a big show but there are people in need all year. It would seem to me that there are those that believe giving at this particular time of year when they would merely step over those in need as if they were merely pieces of trash that had dared to litter the sidewalk because they have some belief that they are being taken one step closer to heaven.

4. My favorite song= George Jones, “He Stopped Loving Her Today.”

There is a beautiful story of love that lasted to the grave. It always reminds of me the friend that I still hold dearest to my heart even though he has been gone 17 years and 4 months by his own hand. I now know that sometimes the smallest details that we sometimes think of as insignificant can reveal the world to us.

5. I am a boot whore.

I’m referring to those things you wear on your feet. They are my footwear of choice. The pair I lust after are thigh high with a three inch heel. Sadly they are out of my price range still so I lust after them from afar just waiting until something happens to drop them in my lap and allow me to rationalize the $200 purchase.

6. I hate shopping but love spending money.

Strange I know but I don’t care for shopping. I do enjoy spending money and have been known to panic spend. You know where money starts to get tight and you start to buy everything you possibly can before the money runs out for fear of running out of it.

7. Autism is a Miracle in my life.

I have a now five year old Autistic daughter that I have learned more from that I ever learned in school. In her world there is only truth and it is usually simple and straight forward. She does not know how to lie. She also attracts angels that have made my life easier. She is also smarter than a number of grown folks I know.

OK my favorite blogs, lets see here and in no particular order. (Yes I know there are not 15.)

I Have Tried It– Thanks to Momma I stumbled across this blog about saving money and so far I have enjoyed it a great deal.

Annienygma– Annie lives what she preaches so she can stay at home with her youngest daughter even though she is a single parent.

Notes From Here– an honest look at daily life

Well, heavens that’s only three which means I need to find the time to read more because I’m sure there are more in my cluttered mind.

Numbness has Set In

In the middle.

My beautiful blond haired, blue eyed angel is in the middle of it all whether we put her there or not. I look at that tiny face so innocent, still untouched by the world and want to cry. This when I am thankful for Autism. She has not once expressed an doubt or questioned why her daddy is not here. I’m not sure why but instead of making it easier it makes it harder. I mean I know she loves her daddy so I can’t help but wonder if the Autism is what is preventing her from asking about him.

She is what held us together for so long.  A determination that she have two parents. He loves that little girl I know that. I just hope he remembers to visit with her the way he did when his oldest daughter was little. She is almost 19 years old and still prefers her daddy. That says something right?

Working Out The Budget

At the moment the budget looks bleak. I can not focus to work but I am working out the details of a new project to begin in January. Well, that takes care of some of the burden but what about the rest of this month. I do not celebrate Christmas but my children do. They both have birthdays this month as well. I do not have the money for gifts so the oldest is getting something homemade. The youngest I have no idea what to make her. She is too young for what I plan to make for the oldest.  At least most of the bills are paid this month. My Internet will only be off for a couple of weeks if I do not pay that bill. At least it’s prepaid so there will not be two months to pay when I get the money in my hand to pay it.

Where is he?

I am concerned for my soon to be ex-husband. He has family and while his step mother is attempting to come up with the money to help him get brakes he has no where to go but to the shelter. It seems that his father will not offer him a roof, I have no idea about the aunts that he has in area.

My Nerves

I am wondering how bad my nerves are at this point. I mean I haven’t driven my own Rodeo in around a year. Everything tearing up