Another Week Gone and Still Not Productive

Well, another week has passed and I’m still not productive. I managed to write one new article for Mother’s Day yesterday and so far that’s it. We have to go to ABA for two hours this morning and spend almost an hour at OT this afternoon. Lately I’ve been reexamining how you raise an Autistic child on a budget. My budget is under evaluation to find reductions.

We’ve had a good week so far. We’re working on day seven without a tantrum and for an autistic child that’s a great achievement. That means that so far she has not become overwhelmed or frustrated because the words to express her needs are there but refuse to come out. I hear so many people depressed when they find out that their beautiful babies have what has been called an affliction of Autism. It’s not the children that are afflicted but those that do not yet understand just how smart they are and that with a little help while they are young they can become productive citizens.

Still Exhausted and It’s Showing

I managed to oversleep this morning. I should have been working on improving some of my older articles and posting new ones. I haven’t even looked at projects to bid on in about a month now. Why is it that I’m not writing? I can’t figure out when to fit it in and not have it turn out to be awful right now. I can’t manage to think of anything in the two hours that Theresa is at preschool.

Three days a week we leave the house for appointments. One of those days we’re gone virtually all day long and I’m exhausted by the time we get home. The insurance on the cars is due again and I have to reevaluate the bills once again. Next month is gonna be tight so it’s time to cut back and save more than ever now. The idea is to make it through the month and get everything paid without dipping into savings.

Hopefully I can manage to get five articles written by Monday. I’m tired and I want to sleep the weekend away but I can’t. I have to work whether I like it or not.

Almost Achieved Something Today

While so far today has been an unproductive work day it has been a little productive for getting things turned in on time. Figuring out how much we actually make a year is kind of depressing. Now I’m just waiting to hear about the summer camp that one of the local agencies runs for autistic children and the financial aid information that I need too. I’m thinking about sending Theresa to the camp for the summer, thinking but not decided yet.

I’ve got to get back to work or the income amounts will become even more depressing. Not producing when you get paid by production is not good for your income. Now I have to figure out the rest.

Life Keeps Moving Ready or Not

I’m beginning to wonder if Theresa is the one not ready to take the next steps or if it’s me. She just changed ABA therapists because the center and her therapist felt this was needed to take her to the next level. I’m not sure about it but she did pretty good with the transition. She even used the pronoun “I” which is a major accomplishment. I’m hoping she has more good days like the last few because each meltdown is getting harder to bounce back from.

I’ve decided to look into the summer camp for her to see if I think it’d be beneficial for her. I’m the one that needs to prepare for that. I’m hoping that it’s day camp and not overnight, I’ll have to read about it I guess because the woman that runs the camp didn’t seem to understand the question when I asked her.

I’m still trying to adjust to the new schedule 320 articles a month seems to be what I”m going to need to write to keep everything on track but seems to be rather difficult to manage. I think I’ll start by saying that I’ll write 10 new articles by this Friday. That’s 2 a day and more realistic with time demands because of the recent burn out I experienced. 

OK time to go back to the real world now.

Too Much to Think About

Well, as far as I can tell all that’s left of the financial aide applications for the therapy is to find the proofs. The essay is done too. Surprisingly for a writer I found it impossible to be articulate. The goal is for her to be completely independent, putting that into a full page is rather difficult.

Right now the weather is scarily calm. The storms that have been moving across the country aren’t here yet. This morning there was the rude awakening to thunder shaking the house. Once again this increased the knowledge that I need to move or at least get something on a foundation. The problem at the moment the income is barely covering the expenses. Anything would offer less room which while it has it’s drawbacks has a few advantages that might just out weight them.

The advantages of less space? It increases the possibility of being able to fence in the yard and make it a lot easier to keep up with. Theresa could play without the worry of her wandering off and getting hurt before we can catch her. A smaller house would force us to get only the things that we need. A mortgage, homeowners insurance and yearly taxes all add up to a great deal of expense not to mention the costs of maintaining everything in the home ourselves. Rent means that while the extra expenses aren’t had the place will never be ours and evictions are possible instead of foreclosures.

All of this is too much to think about right now. I’ll continue to look at floor plans trying to find the perfect home for our needs. Something with enough room for us, one day all three of our girls and their children when they come to visit. A kitchen with a door to protect little ones from getting burned and a basement to stay in during the storms. I keep wondering about the possibility of building a house down into the ground. The problem is underground water, pipes, and a host of other things that I’d rather night think about right now.

Sounding Like a Lunatic

So far today there haven’t been any major disasters. I’ve spent the last few days writing at AC. My profile page is starting to show more and more articles. I realized that in the almost three years since I began posting articles there I haven’t done very much. So I decided that while I was improving on other articles I’d take the time to put some up there.

As I get everything I need together for financial assistance with the $440 a month ABA therapy that has been so helpful to Theresa I realize that once again it’s time to reevaluate the budget. Somehow it seems to have taken on a life of its own without me. This is gonna be fun, while I’m filling out Theresa’s stuff I guess I can get everything together for the rest of us to get check-ups and eye exams to make life around here a little bit easier.

I’ve finally figured out that I need a new appointment book that can hold stuff. My day is so confusing. I used to have highlighters to show what each event was but now it’s hard to find a bottle of white out to change events in the calendar as they change. Oh well, one day soon I’ll have my sense back. 

I noticed that toward the end of the day I begin getting more and more confused. Here’s hoping it’s just all that I have to do and not anything more serious. I’ve made the promise to myself to get more rest from now on so that I can figure out if I’m more productive with uninterrupted sleep. 

Time to Do Everything Again

It seems like it was only yesterday that we were trying to get Theresa into all of her therapy. The forms for financial aid, meetings with the school etc. Now it’s time to do it all over again. This time a short one page essay goes with the application. My unorganized self can easily pull up all the proofs I need minus a few weeks of check stubs that I don’t have because he’s only been paid once. I may have a bit of trouble finding the WIC letter or the SSI letter.

Why is it that no matter how hard I try nothing ever stays where it’s supposed to stay? Easy my darling daughter is becoming more independent. She has decided with this new independence that she’s in charge of where everything goes.

The sad reality is that while getting all of these proofs together I noticed that my income was taking a study decline as Theresa needs more and more therapy. She has to be completely independent at some point.

Re-examining Life

I just put my baby girl on the school bus. I noticed that she didn’t want to let go of my hand, it gave me a sad sense of happiness. I was happy that she didn’t want to leave me and sad because every day is aimed at ensuring that one day she can venture out into the world on her own. With Mother’s Day getting closer I’m wishing more than ever that both my kids were home with me where they belong. Some how everything else I want seems to be much less important on these days.

I want a home built, custom designed to suit our needs. The problem is the needs we have today may not be the needs that we have tomorrow. I would be terrified that something will happen to cause the mortgage to go unpaid, then we’d be farther away from where we are now. The roof is leaking, the siding beginning to rot but it’s cost free. If we could manage to come up with the money to fix everything that is wrong we could buy a house and have it altered to suit our needs. What is it with the need for extra space? Is the fact I’ve never truly had privacy a motivator?

I know family is most important to me. I think with a little bit of adjusting we can manage to get everything we need. We might have to do without a few things that we want for some time but I have a feeling that it’ll be well worth it in the end. We have to figure out how to save for retirement and have enough for Theresa to be taken care of if for some reason she can’t take care of herself.

Right now I’m hoping that we don’t get any of those scattered thunderstorms and the 60% chance of rain stays at a zero percent chance.

Yet Another Unproductive Day

No work done today, at least not work I can make a living at. I managed two loads of laundry, getting two out of three doses of supplements in my kid for the day so far and kept her from getting into things that could injure her. The rest of the time I spent arguing with an online game. So much for motivation. 

OK let’s try this again I want to move and I need to make enough to do it. I also need to decide what I want at some point and time. That would be a good start after all.

Will Power Where Are You?

OK some of my clothes are a little tighter than I’d like while some are too loose. I’d love to stop smoking, so far not having much success correcting either. 6:50 pm last night April 16, 2010 I put on the first of my nicotine patches. I did up until about 10am this morning. Then the patch had to come off and I had to light up. It wasn’t the cigarette I actually wanted it was the hand habit. I finished and put on a new patch. A few hours later I just wanted that hand habit again, so I had one lit to hold. It was rather calming but this patch is starting to get on my nerves.

Looks like I’ll have to start the stopping smoking tomorrow. I know one thing for sure I have way too much nicotine in my system right now. It seems that I started with too high of a nicotine dose over twenty-four hours. Oh well it’s good to know I don’t smoke as much as I thought I did.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and managed to buy snack foods. Nice I’m complaining about eating habits and I buy things that encourage that grab and run mentality. I’m sending hubby to the store today, he’s getting better at staying in the budget and buying things that don’t cause his BP to go up. I on the other hand am getting lousy at it.

I’m not sure how many articles I wrote this month but I know it’s not the 320 I envisioned. Oh well, I’ll start with a smaller goal for next month. I  can break them up into small sections and meet them one at a time.