Six Foot Swing

I’ve been hit with a Ten Pound Hammer and that’s all right. “Love hit me like a ten pound hammer with a six foot swing.” It hurts but that’s life. I mean have you ever fell so hard that you don’t even care what they do as long as it makes them happy? Worse have you fell so far you can’t snap out of it even though you know they don’t and most likely won’t return the feeling? It hurts but you can’t help it.

I am in so far over my head that I may never see daylight again and that’s fine with me. I’m not even sure when it happened. I just know it did and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve never felt anything so strongly in my life, that’s scary. That means I get hurt in the end. I don’t like that possibility but it’s one that I live with daily. I can’t explain the feelings that I have and I can’t stop them. I have tried only heaven knows how hard I have tried. Funny he doesn’t even seem to realize the effect he has on me.

I can not recall a time when I was so in love that all reason flew out the window. It is probably for the best that he does not in fact realize the hold he has over me. I mean if he did he could be tempted to do what most men do and take advantage of it. I don’t think that he would I think that I am available to him far too much. I mean for heaven’s sake I was never this available to any of my three husbands once I was had come to a place to decide to stay with them. Hmmm, maybe that’s a bad example since I would be attempting to get my third divorce at the moment.

I could be delusional most probably think I am but I am not. I am in love with a man that I am pretty sure will never feel the same. I have no illusions or delusions that he will one day proclaim his undying love. I know that day will never come and yet I am stuck as stuck can be. Maybe I wouldn’t hurt as much if I could have those delusions but I can’t. I stopped believing in fairy tales a long, long, sad time ago.