Numbness has Set In

In the middle.

My beautiful blond haired, blue eyed angel is in the middle of it all whether we put her there or not. I look at that tiny face so innocent, still untouched by the world and want to cry. This when I am thankful for Autism. She has not once expressed an doubt or questioned why her daddy is not here. I’m not sure why but instead of making it easier it makes it harder. I mean I know she loves her daddy so I can’t help but wonder if the Autism is what is preventing her from asking about him.

She is what held us together for so long.  A determination that she have two parents. He loves that little girl I know that. I just hope he remembers to visit with her the way he did when his oldest daughter was little. She is almost 19 years old and still prefers her daddy. That says something right?

Working Out The Budget

At the moment the budget looks bleak. I can not focus to work but I am working out the details of a new project to begin in January. Well, that takes care of some of the burden but what about the rest of this month. I do not celebrate Christmas but my children do. They both have birthdays this month as well. I do not have the money for gifts so the oldest is getting something homemade. The youngest I have no idea what to make her. She is too young for what I plan to make for the oldest.  At least most of the bills are paid this month. My Internet will only be off for a couple of weeks if I do not pay that bill. At least it’s prepaid so there will not be two months to pay when I get the money in my hand to pay it.

Where is he?

I am concerned for my soon to be ex-husband. He has family and while his step mother is attempting to come up with the money to help him get brakes he has no where to go but to the shelter. It seems that his father will not offer him a roof, I have no idea about the aunts that he has in area.

My Nerves

I am wondering how bad my nerves are at this point. I mean I haven’t driven my own Rodeo in around a year. Everything tearing up