Frustrated

I am very frustrated right now at all that is going on. My income is dropping drastically so I am frantically working harder in an effort to make up for it. There are so many things that I need right now, basic needs not luxuries like a vacation although I will not complain if I make enough to take one. I am going back and forth between work venues at the moment in an attempt to spread out my income in the event that something falls short as is often the case if you are too dependent on one thing. I have spent years working from home and the thought of having to leave home and go back to work in the traditional workforce is a rather terrifying one for me. I never actually enjoyed that world for long so it will be a bit of a trauma if I am forced to go back.

I would be tired of looking in my closet and realizing that most of my clothes are falling apart. I would like to have clothes that do not make me look homeless, or at least clothes without large holes in them places I would rather not have holes. I was thinking of buying some patches to iron on the ones that I wear daily around the house and leaving the ones in good condition for special occasions. The problem is that I do not have special occasions, only mommy occasions that while always special are never planned.

I would also need to have presentable clothes in the event that I decide to go back to the traditional work force a few hours a week to ensure a more stable income. It is frowned upon to go to a job interview looking like you rolled out of bed and dressed for a weekend drunk. I would also be frustrated that when I need to think the most these days my mind is a total blank.

People keep telling me that things such as the brakes on the car working on a sometimes basis is my imagination and that they are fine. Last time the brakes went out after they kept telling me that. I will be getting a second opinion. I am frustrated that I can not make a decision to save my life these days and I am really frustrated that I would be updating this blog to talk about frustrations. I will be going now but I will be back soon to figure out more things.

Frantically Working

I would be frantically working on anything and everything in hopes of getting paid for something, anything before Friday. I would be so broke that I literally can not pay attention. There are always extra bills at the end of the year but this year they seem to be taking more of a toll than they usually do. I need to get gas to take the kid to therapy and replenish her supplements. That’s going to be tricky, gas is over $3 a gallon. I have $5 and a quarter of a tank of gas. You tell me is this going to work for five days of therapy?? I think not.

I’ll have a whole $17 on Friday minimum and while that’s better than nothing I fear that it is far from enough. I really should write a book or something. I started to type up some things that I had written so that I can edit them and turn them into short stories but I’m afraid that some of them were too painful and I had to stop typing them up to prevent myself from crying. Well, this isn’t doing anything but complaining so I’ll be getting back to work. Yes, I know I have more blogs to update but that can be done tonight and during my breaks today. I have to work furiously to make things improve and that is just what I intend to do.

Cleaning Up a Big Mess

I am in the process of attempting to get my third divorce without losing custody of my youngest daughter. It would seem that my finances are not the only challenge that I would face. Friends don’t stab you in the back and they listen instead of talking over you. Turns out I was right I have very few true friends and I aim to keep those few closer than ever in the coming months. I also intend to casually get rid of the ones that do not listen and cause me more trouble than they are worth.

Years ago I got rid of everyone and everything that caused me to have unnecessary stress. A few months ago I accidentally let one of those people back in my life. You know the kind that is always talking so they hear half of something and can’t comprehend that it’s not their business to share. The ones that jump to conclusions and require having their jaw wired shut to prevent them from talking. I hate people like that always have but since I was like twelve when mother moved me to this annoying place I have been surrounded by them.

I have to figure out how to pay my bills, dissolve a five year marriage before it hits six and falls apart even further. I have no idea why I stayed in this marriage for so long. I do know that I have to get a divorce and get that non-friend back out of my life before they take me along on their path to self destruction. I can not believe my own stupidity in the matter as if I hadn’t had enough problems through the years. I am already tired of just nodding in agreement as they made inaccurate assumptions in an effort to get them to shut up.

At the moment I would be bouncing back and forth between my own writing and writing for private clients in an effort to make ends meet. It would seem that everyone is once again missing the point of self employment and the fact that the more I am out of the house the less I would make. I prefer to get all my work done before I leave the house but they do not understand this.

Well, I see this turning into one long off subject rant so I will be going back to work now. Got a short news article to finish and try to do more of before I can begin my project work for the day.

I Got More Done Alone

OK so far the whole concept of getting done with this project early in order to get paid is not going well at all. I find myself being constantly interrupted by people that only want to chit chat or have me help them…..The concept of busy is obviously one they do not get and my stress level, along with my temper are close to going over the boiling point.

I am behind in every aspect. While my current deadline is still five days away I actually needed to finish this project about five days ago in order to be paid in time to take care of what I needed it to. Oh well, I’ll learn to turn everything off and block the driveway one day. At the moment I would be running back and forth from taking care of the house to my computer to ensure that I get everything done properly.

I have a ton of laundry to do, floors to clean, bills to pay and well you know the list is never ending but I still try to narrow it down to a list. I have done a million things today and only one of them so far has been work related. I got the dishes done, a load of laundry and even put most of what had already been washed away. I’m in the middle of cleaning the coffee pot but my biggest accomplishment had to be getting the stains out of the tea pitcher. I have finally gotten to the last of three articles that I have to write today in order to finish this project up and get paid.

It is mid September and I just read where someone was asking if they were the only ones working on Christmas articles. I hadn’t even begun to think about Christmas but it is a good idea. I have to write some of them now so my income goes up when the season gets here to recover from it more easily. I have two daughters with birthdays in December. I think I will begin working on those as soon as I finish this last article for my project.

I still more cleaning to do but it’s best done after everyone else is in bed. One more article, a little one on one therapy time with the kiddo, feed her and put her to bed. Then I get a little me time before it’s back to work. I’m on a roll and the best part is that I’ve done all this alone today which means that once I find a place to move and it’s just the two of us life will be a lot less stressful than it is now.

Thursday’s One Day Closer to Friday

It’s Thursday and that means only one appointment, then Friday and then the weekend. I spent yesterday sick so we didn’t even have our regular appointments but we’ll have it today. And in the meantime I’ll clean my house, write a bit and attempt to figure out this mess I made with the bills. Praying for a private client and hopefully it’ll get results. I can only do one thing at a time so I have to be careful when I bid.

I have to wash a ton of dishes from when I was sick, they’re stacked all over the counter, lovely. I seem to be having connection issues today so I may just close the Internet and work.

It’s definitely Monday

Well, I can tell it’s Monday already. Of course being as it’s half past noon I should know it’s Monday by now. I have been looking at the budget, yes I’m bringing it up again. I have the feeling that we’ll be scraping by on the skin of our teeth, cutting a few corners in the new year. The pest control is the first casualty since that’s $33 a month that we can see immediately as being used elsewhere or saved. The last is not likely for a few months.

I’m still trying to see how much electricity we used this month. The budget amount for the bill is $200 each month; the last bill showed that so far we have a credit of $76.34. That’s not too bad of course the summer hasn’t gotten here yet so there could still be an amount that we have to pay when the budget billing is reviewed. I’m tired of having to unplug behind everyone and I’d love to have a working dryer so the laundry didn’t pile up when it was cold or rainy.

I have to have Internet access to work which I haven’t done much of lately so I guess I can get a plan with limited access until I go back full time. The cable it’s a luxury that can be reduced to keep the cable bill down. OK I’m gone, this is getting depressing.

Not a normal Tuesday and that’s OK

Today was not a regular Tuesday and that’s OK. I have clothes on the couch waiting to be folded and put away and some hanging on a line in the back bedroom that I hope will be dry by morning. By mid morning tomorrow I should have a load of toddler training pants to wash. Not particularly looking forward to that but there are some days that they help the little one to understand why she’s sitting on the potty.

I managed to read a little bit of my book today not much though. I’ll be waiting to read more when I take my next break. At the moment I would be going back and forth between this posting and accepting gifts for various games on FB. I needed a break even though I haven’t done much work today.

I really need to start getting a bit more organized but the new schedule is one that I haven’t adjusted to just yet. Monday and Wednesday mornings Theresa is in preschool for a half a day. Those two half days give me the chance to either get a little work done or to frantically clean house knowing that she’s going to undo everything once she gets home.

I can’t take projects with tight deadlines right now, I’ve got less work time. My lack of a vehicle means that I am at everyone’s mercy until I get brakes. Well, it’s time to do some editing so I’ll go for now.

Wandering thoughts

I have let yet another weekend pass without managing to do much of anything. I’m not sure if it’s the chill that was in the air or the fact that I am addicted to my computer but we spent both days of this beautiful weekend inside. I know that I have to do something about this computer addiction even if it’s just saving up my money to purchase a new battery for my laptop so I can write outside.

The problem with working outside is that I would need a wireless connection to the Internet. While I have broadband I have the misfortune of being tied to the connection. I hope one day to buy a wireless router but in the mean time I would like to make sure I find the cheapest alternative to the connection that I have now. The price for working from home is getting to be outrageous with my hours being drastically reduced.

This past week saw some changes to the therapy schedule, one change has to be rescheduled to make up for the missed session. The other change is permanent. I no longer have to worry about setting my alarm on Tuesday mornings, the therapy appointment was moved from 10a.m. to 1:30p.m. While this will keep up from planning anything that day I think it might help with my productivity since I can get more done before we go and errands can easily be run afterward.

My work schedule is changing yet again. I think that getting up before six in the morning makes me a bit more productive as long as I can get my emails out of the way before I start the work day. Today of course is Monday yet again, Theresa is having the peanut butter sandwich I promised her for breakfast.

So far I set my alarm for 5:30 am on school days and lately I’ve been hitting the snooze a lot. Well, I said this was a place for my mind to wander and wander it has. I have to go get it back on track for the two articles I’m in the middle of writing right now.

A Scary Decision

It seems lately all decisions are scary but I had to make one. I took the summer off because I didn’t have preschool to get uninterrupted working time. Well, when school started back two days a week I decided to take private clients again since I had eight hours uninterrupted to work. That turned out to be proof that things don’t always work out as planned.


I’m in the middle of the second project I’ve taken since school started and it’s only getting more stressful. While the income from private clients is helpful it’s not worth the stress. That’s why I gave notice that this is my last project. There will be no more, from now on the only writing I do will be my own. I can earn more with my own writing; the only drawback is that I won’t get paid as often. 


I think that without the pressures of deadlines I won’t be as sick as often and I can fit in all those little things that get neglected as I rush to finish up. Of course a little more help around here would make things a lot easier. That’s another story all together.